What the Bible teaches about conflict resolution 🕊️

Have you ever walked into church and run smack into one of the most aggravating people you’ve ever met?

Don’t be shy, you’re not alone. More likely than not, there has been someone in your church family who rubbed you the wrong way. After all, we’re all different, unique personalities. And where there are differences, there is inevitably conflict. 

Being called to love one another does not cancel out the possibility of contention and strife with our brothers and sisters. 

God knows this. That’s why he gave us the playbook for how to deal with conflict—including church hurt—in a respectful and God-honoring way. 

The Matthew 18 approach to conflict resolution

Wounds that go unhealed are bound to be repeated. Trying the Matthew 18 approach to conflict resolution can be a crucial step for overcoming church hurts and conflicts before deciding to move on to another church family.

In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus explains the proper order of seeking conflict resolution. You start with a one-on-one discussion about what happened, next, you bring in one or two others for accountability, and finally—only if efforts so far have been unsuccessful—you bring it to the church.

The passage is referencing sin in the church specifically; however, this formula can easily be repeated for other hurts or conflicts within the church. 

A gradual escalation—as needed—without dramatics, shouting, or disrespect. How different would our approach to conflict be if we followed guidelines instead of letting emotions or pride get the best of us?

Imitating Christ (even in times of conflict)

It can be tempting to let our emotions run the show when we feel disrespected, misunderstood, or hurt. 

Surely, there is a time and place for expressing emotions—as we see when Jesus flips the tables in the temple—but if we bring table-flipping energy when seeking conflict resolution, we’re not likely to walk away with the results we’re hoping for.

We are called to walk in love and to forgive one another. That doesn’t mean we must lie down and let ourselves be mistreated, but rather act with integrity and dignity in the face of conflict. 

Love and tenderness should be at the core of conflict resolution—even when the other person may not be acting in the best way. We must rise above rash words and harsh temperaments.

Action Items: 

1. Reread Matthew 18:15-17 and consider its applications

You may even consider reading different translations of the passage to cross-reference how this passage is depicted. How would applying this structure to conflict resolution in the church affect your life? 

2. Reflect on your most recent conflict in the church, big or small

How did you handle it? What was the outcome? Is there anything you would do differently now? Learning from our mistakes—as well as the mistakes of others—is not beneath anyone, no matter what title they hold in the church.

3. Remember to imitate Jesus in times of high emotion

Not every conflict calls for table flipping. More often than not, it calls for love, forgiveness, and turning the other cheek—while not allowing ourselves to be abused.

How does your church handle conflict resolution? Have you experienced a successful use of the Matthew 18 approach?

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